One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well I just put wine in my tea
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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