just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize