Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
