girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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