I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
