A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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