yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
