she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
