thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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