Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
