Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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