she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
