you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
