i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
no, he came in my armpit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
