We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
