I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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