I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
