New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love accidental penises.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
