Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
