If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need to calm my uterus...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
