Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
