life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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