Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
