He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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