So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
