We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
