Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
