yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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