"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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