I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
