My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The maid of honor just puked.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
