I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
