I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
