thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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