I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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