I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
