my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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