i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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