Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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