D3 body, D1 cock
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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