sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
