I met the friendliest cop last night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
