i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
