yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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