$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The ass gains better be worth it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
