Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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