i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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