is your mom at the bar?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
