why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
