My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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