I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize