The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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