Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
