Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
