I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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