Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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