I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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