just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
