my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
