I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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