I wannas sexs uuuuu
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He shit in the fireplace
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
