I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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