He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
