so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think my vagina is haunted
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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