you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
