9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
