you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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