omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
