Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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