I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
