You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
