ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
