im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
sex in a hospital.. check
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
