i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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