When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
