shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
