i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
