Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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