the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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