Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
