I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
