A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
