Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
